I sort of knew fairly early on there was a difference between self-publishing and having a publisher release your work traditionally. I wrote for the fun of it with fantasies of being interviewed once I was relatively famous. But I wish someone had told me back then and after university that getting your stuff out there by any means is an achievement in itself. Deciding to ignore whoever ignored you and testing the waters with your own stuff should be commended and encouraged more. Chasing agents and publishers now is something only a stout heart can manage.
I haven't tried to really chase an agent in any earnest because I know I can't sustain their loyalty with my lack of dedication to writing. Asking someone to represent you for one piece of work isn't fair. I don't see why if you only had the intention of having one manuscript published that you'd even ask an agent to rep you. If you're being knocked back, it has more to do with money than talent now. So many terrible writers have managed to break through from just having an idea that would generate money. You almost have to cultivate your own fan base and be seen as automatically lucrative before a publisher will really take interest. Do you know they're running vanities out of traditional houses now? Did you know some publishers who run websites that let you post shorts and chapters can keep your work and do nothing with it, and prevent you from shopping your manuscript around to other companies and agencies because you've given them exclusivity rights by using their service? Self-publishing on a blog can disqualify you from consideration from a publisher. There are some smaller publishers who will give you a look in so not all hope is lost, but you do limit your options doing this.
But what annoyed me most was being ignored by publishers setting these rules (unpublished, perfect manuscripts need only apply) and then disregarding them the moment they see dollar signs on something. That they'll make exceptions to these rules if the money's good. So I don't have respect for some companies now in light of this. There's a reason a celebrity will get a book deal before you ever will. I have respect for Dan Harmon, who was offered a book deal but was so lazy about giving them a book he had to pay them back after losing money on having someone else write it. And now he can self-publish this book for a dollar. The company saw value in his material but he didn't really want to do the work involved and didn't really care he had to pay back the advance. So how could someone who's failed to attract a publisher's attention not be so infuriated with him and any celebrity who was handed a book deal on a silver platter only to hire a ghost writer and reap the rewards anyway? Or not even bother writing it at all? It's very demotivating.
You have every right to be bitter if you receive another rejection letter stating you just didn't have what they were looking for. You have every right to get annoyed and take to Twitter looking for sympathy and encouragement when these responses arrive, especially if it was after an expression of interest and the doors looked like they were opening only to be slammed shut again. I wish I could step into these conversations and say, if you forget about courting agents and publishers and do your own thing, you might still reach an audience. Placing a huge importance on gaining a legitimate deal is making something you love into something depressing. If it's your absolute dream and nothing else will do, keep going. But if you want to measure your success instead by releasing what you have and just seeing what happens, you never know where it might take you.
I wish I'd have heard one person say, it's okay if you don't get a contract or an agent. It's okay if you go it alone. The author of the Martian decided to self publish after numerous rejections and it paid off. The work was out there and it became something successful. He defied the logic that if a publisher doesn't want your book, that no one will. That you've appointed agents and publishers as gatekeepers of what readers want and don't want, it's kind of sad. And I did this. I still put them in this higher regard despite having less respect than I once had. There are a lot of people who will happily take your money for anything from promotion to advice to publishing itself. The average reader won't notice the difference between you being picked up by a small indie or by Penguin. It's only you, in your mind, that is setting this standard and lowering your own achievement. Because that's exactly what I did. Getting a contract was all I wanted but the outcome was so disappointing I feel like I didn't get anywhere in the end, that I'm back to square one.
Only someone's reading my stuff. Every day nearly, people are finding my free books and deciding to download them. I'm not actually being ignored. And if I go to Twitter to celebrate this, there will be at least one naysayer who will say, "Oh, but it's free. So it can't be good and readers are just picking it up because it costs nothing." Putting out a table of free books doesn't mean every person is going to walk away with one. How many discount bookstores have you seen that are nothing but unfurnished rooms with foldout tables and a cash register where people were snapping up copies on the cheap? Would you feel disappointed seeing your book in a secondhand store? Probably not since you know someone bought it. Personally, I'd be disappointed that someone didn't love my book enough to want to keep it and read it again. But if they're not going to read the book and it's still free, they won't walk away with it. Libraries are free and not everyone takes out every book. People will either be interested in your book, or they won't, no matter how it got out there.
I'm not heeding my own advice here. I'm still disappointed in myself and everything that's happened. But I'm not being ignored. I'm not being dismissed. Someone wants to read what I wrote. And they must be talking about me because other people have decided to check me out as well. If this turns into something bigger or nothing at all, I can still say I gave it a shot. People I know are just as proud of me doing this on my own as they were of me finding a publisher. Don't forget, there are people who long to even finish writing a novel in the first place. Point is, you have finished something, and if you want people to read it, does it really matter how or where they find it?
And if you're complaining about this to friends or family who "simply don't understand" and they tell you it doesn't matter, do your own thing, I know your immediate response will be "it's just not the same". Maybe take their response as that of the average reader. If they love your book enough, they won't care that much how they got it. Do you think anyone who found any success self-publishing ever regretted not being traditionally published? If anything they should feel prouder of their accomplishments. And they've helped change the general opinion that self-publishing is a dirty term not worth contemplating. Be a maverick. Defy the odds.
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