Realisations

I think I came to the conclusion in the end a better deal might not have translated into a well edited, professional outcome. I heard there was a new edition of a book I'd assumed had professional editing done that was fixed up on the release of this new illustrated edition, and my mind went haywire thinking of these two esteemed authors having a book out there with typos, in the 90s. When I assumed copy editing was taken very seriously. Pulp paperbacks are notoriously full of typos, that makes sense in a way, but knowing I couldn't even trust a publisher to at least make sure a book went to print without actual typos, I don't have much faith in them. I guess it's made me rethink my position on where I ended up. I have another stack of test prints ready to dump in the local "library" box, the prints I have now are basically what I'm the most happy with. I find it odd when I get hits now but maybe a recent cover change is helping one book. Again, I have no clue if people recommend my books and tell people they're free. Some covers I see now, my brain can't reconcile how much of it is just a stock image because getting covers done on the cheap is huge now, or if it went through a formal design process in consultation with the author. It takes a lot of the process but now I think it gets more attention over the content. Time just isn't on anyone's side anymore. So going through that stress again thinking I'll only be let down, I can't bring myself to chase this anymore.

Ratings and reviews

Considering a big reason I branched out onto Smashwords was to get more reviews, I guess the handful I was able to garner isn't much to sneeze at. Admittedly based on the stats below, I've collected some for shorts and one is definitely fake, but I appreciate the average I have at least, it hasn't been hindered by bad reviews. I have two definitely fake ones on Kobo they recommended I leave there, but I think a couple have popped up since then. I like reviews but I appreciate a rating and I prefer them to be honest. I can kind of rest on never getting a bad review or a rating below three stars. From the feedback I'm managed to squeeze out of people, it's been largely okay. Meanwhile, the worst thing about Goodreads (for me, since I've yet to be extorted by assholes), is seeing people's reading stats and knowing they gave up on a book of mine at 18% two years ago. (I don't get why people want massive "to-read" lists over "read" lists, or they do reading challenges and just read the same books every year, it's another reason I don't participate in the Goodreads community as a whole, because it has given some readers the erroneous belief they're more important to authors than they truly are). But if they do flag a book to read it'll at least give you some free publicity. (My ex publisher tried to get other authors in the company onboard but they didn't know/get Goodreads at all and expected her to take care of it. I at least had a head start. I also disagreed with her policy of giving our books a five star rating to "get the ball rolling").

I've appealed to people who aren't into the genres I've written, I like not having a fanbase to placate, or an agent. My life would be fucking miserable if I were doing this as an actual job, I've never refuted that. So I get pretty insulted when it's suggested this would be a good job for someone like me, with a chronic mental illness. Because if I can't have a steady income I won't cope. I have to know when the money's coming in to have any kind of reasonable structure, so if you're the type who can cope and work around commissions and sporadic royalties, etc, (while accepting you'll have to widen your net in terms of income even if you are successful), then go right ahead. It worried me I knew people who were considering tax writeoffs from their minimal royalties, I was told it was pointless declaring the pittance I got as it was classed as a hobby. And I preferred not to take money. It hasn't mattered who I've told about my Amazon copies, it's not generated any sales, and Amazon seems to flip-flop on whether to release any drops in the ocean I get. I know I missed out on an old royalty check for one book because I failed to supply them with bank account details and they couldn't process anything to me physically. It still didn't matter. I've even lost a sale, because (I believe) the buyer realised they could get my ebooks for free and disputed the transaction, which ultimately led me to giving up on Kindle versions. Any moment I reconsider that stance, I remember the stupid guidelines, how it's not helped me at all on my last attempt at a giveaway. Smashwords has yielded diminishing returns on every new book I've released, the numbers just aren't possible to achieve. So I've let it rest. What I have below may stay like this for decades. I can't be bothered starting a page for my new author pen name, whether when I release it Goodreads creates a page, (which without an Amazon listing I believe it can't be done), I'll leave that up to them. Because I'll always be annoyed I'm stuck there forever under my actual name because I dumbly released one book under it before changing everything via Amazon. It's also super annoying you can't delete old editions for whatever reason. Librarian status on Goodreads also creates god complexes because you're "curating" their library and shouldn't mess with the records. I should have more ISBNs from new editions/versions but I've gotten away with duplications, and I've never once paid for one. They used to be hundreds of dollars. It used to be a privilege to have one. The fact literally any person can get one for even an 8 page short story on Smashwords proves the value of publishing itself has diminished.

I mostly hate Goodreads anyway for the role they've played in boosting sales for certain books which suck, and having to explain this to my editor was exhausting. If you don't cultivate some rabid following from the outset, you'll rarely make it long term. I think some people are comfortable having little denizens where they can proclaim to have more popularity than they do. Because when it was decided authorship had to be a popularity contest and not have anything to do with talent, that inevitably made shit worse. Some of my books have more reviews than some fairly well known, popular books, that's hardly worth the bragging rights. Point is, what I have below should be worthy of more self-pride than I'm willing to give it. I keep trying to work on owning the Ws and forgetting about the Ls. It's tough, I know.  

I suppose I can say I don't think I've angered anyone or made them unreasonably miserable with what I've written. On a grand scale that's the most you can hope for.

I'm on Amazon

I have to remember this is impressive to people because any time I announce it, people are like wow, cool. Like it's harder to do that than it is to get published traditionally. I think it just means, oh cool it's easier for me to buy now, but I don't know if that's entirely it. I told someone today I'd left the company I was with and to look me up on Amazon, it was just strange people seemed happier I guess since having to force them to pay more through some fucking crooked-ass publisher was so unreasonable, and I fucking agree. I stopped short of apologising for the atrocious presentation and the fact it's hard to find on a fucking bookshelf or under a pile of books because too skinny and no spine matter, but I was in a bad enough mood I didn't even really care they brought it up. Then as I was leaving, someone else asked what I was doing with my afternoon and jokingly said, "Go write a book." I'm like, "Haha, (huff) I don't have time."

I still totally regret people knowing about this, even if I did direct someone to the others, they're out there and I guess I'm kind of curious what they would think. Maybe one of them would at least scare them as to what was really in my fucked up head and they'd never speak to me again. I actually would like that. Sometimes I wonder what I could do to my physical appearance to make me so ghastly and unapproachable that people never spoke to me again.

Extortion...

According to some article I came across, after finding out Goodreads is finally taking dodgy reviewers extorting authors for money otherwise they'll publish shit reviews, there's been a "pandemic" of scams, and I don't feel so sorry for some people. Like I do for the genuinely ignorant, but if you believe a reviewer has "dirt" on you for information and money, you're not the smartest egg. Now, if you're an absolute nobody author, who's actually going to have literal dirt on you? Unless you've been out there being a jerk, or you have a guilty conscience, nobody would really know you to dish dirt. They're essentially using Goodreads as another means of mass communication like they would with any phishing scam, one in every ten thousand emails that takes the bait is worth the perseverance. They're pretending to be from reputable publishers too. Most sensible authors would see the scam for what it is.

So, how does the industry feel now they've killed the gatekeepers and opened the door to opportunistic fuckwits like this? You gamed the system to your own advantage and made publishing seem more obtainable, played on an excessive amount of ignorance, and now real fraudsters are pretending to be you and scamming more people off the back of your money-grubbing. I don't feel sorry for any publishers being implicated in this scam by way of fraudulent emails. I feel like the mess I'm seeing is on a distant island and I'm on my ship, alone and unaffected, unwilling to really help or get involved. I could offer the ignorant more assistance but I don't want to because I'm sick of helping people right now. I tried to work with other authors and give props, there's only one person I feel bad I kind of stopped communicating with despite them checking in on my welfare during the bushfires on the other side of the country, because when you don't know where someone is in relation to a disaster, you just know they're from X country, you'll be like, ummmm, you okay? Which is nice. But I guess that person also wanted someone to gossip to, and I can see now finding out what actually went down will be basically impossible if people aren't willing to be upfront.